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High Anxiety (Today Press)

by Mel Brooks, Ron Clark, Rudy DeLuca & Barry Levinson
Novelization by Robert H. Pilpel

(note: there is also a small paperback version from ACE without the pictures from the cut scene)

This is an oversized novelization of High Anxiety by Robert H. Pilpel. There is at least one scene at the end of chapter X (ten) that is not in the movie. This scene occurs right after Thorndyke is framed for shooting his colleauge in the hotel lobby. This oversized Today Press edition has photos that give proff that the scene was indeed filmed! It does not appear that this scene is in the newly released DVD of High Anxiety.

Dressed in her robe, Nurse Diesel is lying on her bed. In her hands she holds a newspaper, and on the newspaper's front page is a picture of "Dr. Thordyke" in the act of shooting a colleague. Above the picture is the banner headline: PSYCHIATRIST GOES BERSERK.

Nurse Diesel is plainly delighted with what she sees. She laughs gleefully and says, "It's all working. It's all working exactly as I planned. Soon Thorndyke will be out of our way forever."

She laughs again. It is not a pleasant sound.

From above her Dr. Montague sings her praises. "You're brilliant. You're evil. But you're brilliant."

He is suspended from a giant pulley on the ceiling, his arms and legs spread wide. He is dressed like a Roman slave in leather rags.

"Thank you," says Nurse Diesel smugly, flicking a small whip at Montague's thigs. "Now, should our esteemed patient, Mr. Arthur Brisbane, in a fit of extreme depression, decide to take his own life..."

Montague winces in ectasy as the whip bites at his skin. "Oh, I love your mind," he says. "Is the Brisbane estate insurance policy made out to the Institute?"

"Of course, you putz," Nurse Diesel spits. "Do you think I'm an amateur? And signed I might add. Just think of it. One hundred and eighty million dollars." She hugs herself lovingly. "Ohhh. This is a great day."

"More whip!" pleads Montague.

Nurse Diesel ignorse him. "I feel so good," she says, "That I'm going to do something I haven't done in years. I'm... going... to... let... my... hair... down."

Montague's eyes widen with extravagant lust. Plainly the whip no longer interests him. "Oooohhh," he squeals. "You've promised, but you've never done it."

"I'm going to do it," says Nurse Diesel, wetting her lips.

"Yes! Yes!" Montague roars. "Do it! Do it!"

Nurse Diesel rises from her bed. Slowly, sensously, she removes one bobby pin after another, and great waterfalls of hair cascade down to the ground all around her. Then, suggestively twisting her body, she removes her robe. A silky diaphanous floor-length skirt clings to her hips. Her stomach is bare. Her breasts are cupped in golden carvings of sharp- fanged snakes that curl around her flesh to form a sort of brassiere. She returns to the bed and reclines, looking up at Montague slavering above her.

"Okay," she snaps, arranging her long hair around her. "I'm ready."

She pulls a golden tassel near her bed and a motor starts to hum. Montague beigins a slow descent toward her waiting body.

"I love you Cleopatra, I love you!" he cries as the vision of Nurse Diesel comes nearer and nearer.

Excited now and breathing heavily herself, Nurse Diesel gasps out, "Go, Spartacus, go!"

Clearly, these are two people who are celebrating, who feel that everything is going their way, that no one can stop them, that some ultimate victory is finally within their grasp.

I picked up this gem at
Hollywood Legends
49 Greenwich Avenue NYC, NY 100014
P:212-243-9935
F:212-243-9745

LC: 77-087790
ISBN: 0-448-14575-8 (Hardcover)
ISBN: 0-448-14575-6 (Paperback)

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